BSA 331 - Week 11/12

After a small feedback session from Ash, I was told that my script was missing some sort of spark or sub-plot. After looking up at some websites about what subplot is, I have a small idea on what a subplot is.

"A subplot often involves a relationship of some kind, the theme being love, loss or staying strong. This gives the characters in the script a chance to be “human”, to show them as real people with relationships and feelings."

Figuring out how to add a subplot into my short film script would be really hard. I think I will need to play and look through more between the character of Dave who's the inspector and his wife. I might also look into putting BJ into a threatening situation with Dave knowing about his wife & kids.

With this, I think it is also important for me to watch more crime genre films and catch their subplot and see how it ties into the film.

I usually find adding and changing things in my script hard as I usually write as I go. This would be a challenge that I can set for myself to work on before Duncan comes and gives his feedback. I will also be passing a copy of my script to Matt or James on Monday after doing some small changes to the script.

BSA331 - Week 9/10

Script & Treatment writing

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Treatment

Genre
Crime Film, Action, Drama

Target Audiences
16 and above

Logline
A famous gang member from the Joystick family finally gets caught and meets with an old friend, the inspector. The suspect tries and finds a way to escape whilst the inspector brings up his past wrongdoings.

Synopsis
Benjamin also known as BJ (late 20s, early 30s), a famous syndicate from the Joystick gang, known for his horrible act on mankind has finally been caught.

Dave (late 20's), the inspector, however will not concede in bringing up BJ's past in front of him and have him feel guilty of his doings.

A series of Flashback of BJ's killings come to live as the inspector slowly brings out folders. Whilst all of this was happening, BJ does his best to find any form of escape and eventually does.

Character Bio

Benjamin Jones - A famous syndicate in his late 20's. Brought up by KJ, his uncle, who is one of the chairman for the Joystick gang, after his parents died when he was 5. He is well known by the local cops for his cruel act of killing and his hardout thirst for blood character.

Dave Poric - An inspector in his late 20's who has been handling all of BJ's cases for the past five years. He finally has BJ in his hands after years of not being able to make a move on him. Dave is a tough person but soft hearted inside which sometimes interferes with his work.

Treatment

The quiet space of the interrogation room surrounds BJ who's handcuffed with his hands on the table. The sound from the air vent could be heard. BJ looks into the window and sees his own reflection.

The door opens to DAVE, walking in holding a handful of folders. He drops them and it spreading across the table, he  takes off his gun holster and puts it on the table. BJ looks at Dave, looks at the gun behind the folders, then looks back at Dave, giggles and grins at him.

Dave picks up a random folder, "Remember him?" and shows it to BJ. Dave explains the cause of death, unimpressed is written all over his facial expression. He licks his thumb and flips the page and starts talking about the victim's biography.

BJ sits there emotionless and occasionally looking around the room as if he has something on his mind. Dave stands up and walks around the room with a new folder in his hand. A flashback starts and BJ is standing in front of a person with a gun pointing at them and a loud bang could be heard. Back to reality, Dave smacks the folder onto the table, leans in and looks at BJ furiously. At the same time, BJ reaches for a paperclip in one of the folder.

He pretends to yawn and brings his cuffed hands up covering his mouth with the paperclips in one hand and bites into one  of the ends. Dave picks out another folder and questions why he did such cruel thing to a young girl. BJ replies with "I thirst for things like this." and meets with Dave's eyes.

BJ sees a folder with the name Poric on it. He starts bringing it up to distract Dave and slowly uncuffs his hands under the table. Dave starts getting emotionally unstable as the folder is about his partner who BJ murdered as a form of warning for Dave to leave the Joystick gang alone and not to be messed with.


Dave loses his cool and shoves all the folders off the table asking BJ to shut up. BJ pulls his hands from under the table, grabs the back of Dave's head and pulls it down and smacks his head on the table. BJ reaches towards the gun and at the same time Dave, who is currently a little bit dazed also reaches towards the gun that is nearer and in front of him.

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Script

I felt like for my script, it was a little bit unachievable on some of the parts. I will need to look more into it and have another write through it to fix it up. I'll most likely get Matt and James from SIT Pro to look over it and have their feedback into it.